Dear Governor Jindal...

[Note: This is sarcasm, just in case you can't tell!]

Since you are hell-bent on destroying higher education and healthcare in Louisiana, let me offer some suggestions to quicken their demise.

1. Allow only on-line classes at the state's universities, community colleges, and technical schools, which will result in huge savings. Sure, welding classes might suffer, but having only on-line instruction will allow the shutdown of most or all of the physical plants. Just think--no air conditioning, no heat, no lights, except in, perhaps, the one building that will house the computer server and various necessary humans to push the necessary paper for financial aid, etc. Those professors teaching the classes will provide their own offices, computers, Internet, etc. We won't need physical plants to house them or classes for students, and, thus, we won't need support personnel except to maintain one building on campus (see item 2). We can also eliminate the bookstore by having students order their books on line. Departments can have faculty meetings via Yahoo Messenger or Skype, and they'll be using their own resources instead of college phones and facilities. And the state can sell all of the desks, chairs, etc., that we use in on-campus classes, because we won't need them anymore.

2. In the administration of college services:

a. Have only one person in each department to handle all the work for that department--one financial aid person, one PR person, one dean to handle overrides and course problems. You get the idea. Oh, and only one secretary for all of them. Pare the staff down to the most basic and elemental personnel. This shouldn't be a problem, if you implement item b.

b. Raise tuition exorbitantly, making it impossible for most students to afford it or obtain enough financial aid to cover it. Fewer students will apply to college or attend, thereby making item 2a feasible.

3. Keep chipping away at higher education in Louisiana so that more people will leave and fewer businesses will locate here. That will help with healthcare, too, because, if fewer people live here, fewer people will need doctors or hospitals.

I might be willing to have furloughs, etc., if you and the legislature would do likewise. Governor, how about you giving up 5% of your yearly salary and refraining from work on those days? Many of us would appreciate it if you wouldn't work so hard. And I'm sure that wouldn't be a stretch for most legislators, since they don't seem to do much anyway, except tell the rest of us that we have to tighten our belts. How about cutting all the pork out of the budget? How about tapping into the rainy day fund to ensure that our future workforce gets the education it needs to help Louisiana succeed long after you're out of here? How about looking for better ways to attract more revenue? How about some future-thinking, or is that not a priority for you because, in two years, you don't plan to be here to deal with the mess you've left us?

P. S. In the case of science labs, we could consolidate our classes with the LSUHSC here in town. All of our students could go there to dissect animals. This would be win-win; our students would pay to get the hands-on experience science labs require, and the Med School would get unpaid workers to help with research. In the case of anatomy classes, the students could assist with autopsies, which would provide them with first-hand knowledge of the workings of the human body.

Break? What Break?

I'm sure my students are screaming, too.  If I didn't have a meeting on Monday, Oct. 19, I'd have six days of not having to leave the house.  Unfortunately, as soon as classes resume, I have to be at the college four days in a row--on Monday and Wednesday, I have to come in for meetings, each of which will last an hour or less.  Feh!

Which means, of course, that I'll spend more time driving than sitting in said meetings.  Which means, of course, that I'll have to fill my car up with gas twice in one week.  Feh, I say!

At some point, I wish our U would hold virtual meetings, so I could stay home and "attend" in my pajamas.  I'd like that.  It's not as though I say much in these meetings.  I especially try not to volunteer for anything...unless one of my bosses presses me into service the way the British Navy used to "press" citizens of other countries to serve (in other words, by force).

And, of course, this break is not a "break" for my students, or for me.  In order to cover everything I need to cover, I have assignments due.  Which means I have stuff to grade.  If they've stayed on top of things, though, they should be able to slid those things in early and cop a couple of days of snooze time.  That is, if their other profs haven't loaded them down with work, too.

Yeah, being a student is a drag, sometimes, but my students can rest assured that I don't have much time to slack off.  My only hope is that it rains for six days so I'm not tempted to go out and slog around in the yard to pick up limbs.

Oh, well.  The good news is that my daughter has a full-time teaching position as a traveling art teacher in Austin.  She splits her time between two elementary schools.  She's going to love it, once she gets the hang of working a regular job, with regular pay, regular hours, regular vacations, health benefits, etc.  Her first salaried position.  It's about time, and I'm soooooo happy for her.  Another Smith to shape young minds!  It's a conspiracy, I tell ya!

Random Thoughts...

How is it possible that a company can send me a package that arrives from Indianapolis in four days for $5.95, but the package I send to Georgia to arrive in 2-3 days costs me $12.70?  This is why I pay most of my bills online.

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Hand-feeding a kitten is no different from bottle-feeding a baby.  Same schedule, same sleep-deprivation factor.

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Current temp at 10:01 AM is 87 degrees; with the heat index, it's 94 degrees.  Can you say "global warming"?  High today projected at 102; I have no idea what the temp will be with the heat index.  I'll get back to you on that.

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Update: 6:04PM, 103 degrees, 111 with the heat index.

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Working at home during the summer is great.  I only drive when I have to.  I save up errands until I have enough to justify the drive.  I haven't put gas in my car since Father's Day.

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When I was in Houston in May, I broke off a piece of an Angel Trumpet plant (with the owner's permission!).  I put it in a bottle of water for a week, then stuck it in a pot and forgot about it.  It's growing.  They get HUGE and have the most beautiful flowers.  Hummingbirds love them.

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I hate footnotes in novels.  I just finished Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, and the footnotes drove me bonkers.

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I've been trying to read regularly this summer.  So far, I've read three novels.  I've just begun The Time Traveler's Wife.

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I've buried seven kittens this summer.  The vet says it's not my fault they died.  I wish I could believe that.

I'm going to move my garden to the back end of my property.  I've buried kittens everywhere else, and I'm afraid to plant where I've buried them.  I don't want to unearth any kitten bones.

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I love watching birds in my yard.  In the evenings, I sometimes have 20 Cardinals flitting around.

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Any day can be improved with a nap!

Finished!

Except for posting the grades in Compass...

I just finished reading the worst set of essays I've ever read.  It's as though they universally forgot everything I told them about writing essays--no thesis statements (or lame ones), no proofreading--you name it.  And I told them that.  I believe in truth.  And I let them know why I thought that, too.

Well, at least I'm done for now.  I don't have any more papers to grade for the semester. 

After I post the grades, I'm going to write for a while, maybe take a nap, maybe bake some banana bread.  I don't know.  I think I'll just wait a while before I jump into the "getting ready for next semester" mode, though I did sneak into that yesterday in a desperate attempt to NOT grade those essays.

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Yesterday, I did manage to grade an entire set of finals for my Intro to Fiction class.  That was one of the best classes this semester.  My students were funny.  I always have to overcome the "I don't think fiction is important" mentality--a challenge--before we get down to business.  By the end of this semester, though, some of my students were writing 14-page papers (and they're not English majors!); they still need help with thesis statements, but at least they're thinking and developing opinions.  And they'll disagree with me and one another, which is fine as long as they can support their ideas.

I'm just ready for a break.  Teaching five classes--four of them writing classes--is not a picnic.  I taught a freshman comp & lit course online for the first time this semester and that was a challenge, too, though I automated most of the quizzes so I didn't have to grade a ton of papers--just a couple of writing assignments each week.

In the spring, I'm going in two days a week (I hope that doesn't change), and teaching two on line classes; in the fall, if I get the freshman comp (part 1) on line, I'll be prepping four classes and teaching three on line.  I must be crazy.

I do like teaching on line, but I like face-to-face interactions, too.  On line teaching allows me the freedom to work from home, but I like seeing my students and talking with them.  If I could only get more of them to use Skype, that would be good. 

Well, time for more coffee and to tackle a novel.  Later....

Brain Farts...

Here it is, nearly 11pm on a Wednesday, and I haven't stopped working since I got home, somewhere around 4pm.  I left the college late because I spent extra time in my English class, going over thesis statements for the first paper. 

Tomorrow, after a meeting in the chair's office, I need to go to the bookstore.  They always manage to call me with a frantic request to come in when I'm swamped.  And the manager who calls me with these frantic requests always uses the sucker line, "Since you've stopped working full time, we just can't find anyone to replace you."  This time, he told me that they'd recently hired four people, but they still can't get the work done.  My response?  "You're not hiring the right people."

So, I'll spend four hours trying to "fix" what can't be fixed, come home exhausted from heavy lifting, sit down and do the same thing I've been doing for a month.  I'm reading final copies of essays I've read twice, marking what I marked in the first two drafts because my students aren't paying attention, or maybe they just don't think they need to make the changes I suggest.  The grades on these essays are lower than those from previous semesters.  I've made up my mind that this won't be a walk in the park for my students.  Employers demand good writers.  I'm not going to pass people who can't do the work.  

I want my students to succeed; but I don't do them any service by giving them high marks for work that wouldn't pass muster in any business environment.  I wonder if they realize that any boss in any company would doubt a person's competence if that person handed him/her some of the stuff I get.

I'm adamant that the reason many students can't write is because they don't read.  Watching/listening to TV can't make up for that.  If the actors in these shows would put the punctuation in their lines, maybe that would help.  Could you imagine this: "Jim comma did you locate the murder weapon question mark" "No comma June comma I haven apostrophe t yet period"  I still don't think that would help.

Another problem is that many students don't think about what they write--maybe it's unfamiliar to them in that context.  When we write, we have to pay attention.  We can't just run at the pen the way we run at the mouth.  If we say something nonsensical, people usually don't call us on it.  If we write nonsensical things, and someone is paying attention and thinking, we're not going to get away with it. 

My frustration rises, especially when I've pointed out mistakes and provided methods to correct them, and students ignore my suggestions.  I'm not being difficult; I'm trying to help them succeed and impress the people who can help them with their careers.

I talked to a colleague the other day who was practically banging her head on the bathroom wall because her students didn't understand that they had to produce a perfect resume.  They couldn't understand how a comma made a difference.  I told her to find a willing HR director at some desirable company and ask that person to read the resumes and pass judgment.  Who would he/she hire?  My colleague liked that idea.  I think that would impress upon her students the difference a comma can make.

Slouching into Podcasting

I'll admit I'm a bit of a geek.  But I've had some trouble getting interested in podcasting.  Late last night, though, as I was trying to work out strategies for my latest online classes, I took a tour of the Internet and discovered a site called WildVoice Studio.

The software they offer is free to download, and they also offer space on their site to upload podcasts and make them available to anyone who wants to listen to them.  I've recorded two lectures for my freshman composition and literature class, and recorded them badly, but I'm learning how to use music and sound clips.  I can record my presentations for my podcasts and take that MP3 file, turn on my Dragon Naturally Speaking software, play the file, and automatically "type" a lecture I've already posted.  That way, my students can have an audio and text copy of my lecture.

I'm still a little new to this podcasting game, but I think, if I can get organized, I'll be able to learn what I need to know to do more professional podcasts.  My English 115 class online will be my guinea pigs.  I hope they don't mind.

The Usual End-of-Semester Post

Well, actually, it's not a usual post. And it's not quite the end of the semester, though the end is in sight.

The College of Liberal Arts, the college in which I teach, had it's annual social last night. I honestly thought about ditching it because of the gas prices. I know--if I lived in Europe, I'd have something to complain about. I suppose everything is relative. But, with a budget already strained beyond its limits, high gas prices are the "straw" on my camel's back. I am grateful for distance learning--its my pathetic stab at the hearts of the huge oil companies. For three months or so, I will not drive so much, thereby doing my part to conserve resources. If all of us could work from home at least one day a week, we'd probably conserve quite a bit of gas--as long as we didn't use the day away from the company to run the roads!

Anyway, I bit the gas bullet and attended the social. I had received a couple of anxious "You are going, aren't you?" requests on Thursday before I left for the day. That should have clued me that the game was afoot. But I dismissed any thoughts of what might be coming. I've attended these socials for years. They are fun and great ways to spend time with your colleagues--especially people from other departments who I hardly see.

Every year, the department hands out awards--three to adjuncts (who contribute a great deal to the smooth-running of any department) and three to full-time faculty. The awards to the full-time faculty go for service, scholarship, and teaching. This year, a history colleague received the scholarship award, as he should have; the service award went to a music professor, as it should have; and--hold on to your hats--I received the teaching award.

"Shocked" is the first word that comes to mind, "delighted" is the second, and "humble" is the third. I have the framed certificate sitting on a shelf in my living room. Every once in a while, I glance at it and feel grateful for the opportunity to do what I love. Where else could I have this much fun? I get to talk about writing and literature, commas and semicolons, and anything else that appears to be relevant to whatever course I'm teaching at the moment. I meet great people, make friends, and get to fuss when necessary. And I have a cool work environment--an office with a window and free books from book companies that want us to adopt their texts. Not bad.

I spent thirty years trying NOT to teach. I kept thinking that I could make more money doing something else--computing services, technical support, administrative assistant-type jobs. I almost always ended up teaching something. Desperation drove me back to academia. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me--right up there with being born and having my children.

My life lesson--money isn't everything. Teaching pays decently, but, if we work only for money, then any money we earn is tainted with dissatisfaction. I have to love my work first. Otherwise, it becomes drudgery. One thing I can say for sure is that teaching never gets dull, and, while it does have some tediousness (I don't really like to grade papers all of the time), it's one of the most creative and thought-provoking jobs in the world. I get paid to think; I get paid to have fun and share my love of English. Who could ask for more than that?

I don't know that any of my colleagues read this blog, but, if any of them do, I say "Thank you." Thank you for your support, thank you for your joy, thank you for being willing to share yourselves and your talents.

To my students--past, present, and future--thank you for making what I do so much fun. Thanks for your enthusiam, your struggles, your effort. Just thanks!

Let the Madness Begin...

Classes begin in five (count 'em-5) days! Where has the summer gone?

I guess teaching summer school for two months does eat into spare time, as do grading papers and driving 90 miles every day. But the class was good, not stressful at all; I had a wonderfully small class of students who wrote well and were funny, too. So that made the time pass quickly.

This semester, I have four classes--one Intro to Fiction (with 35 students), two Advanced Comps (one of those online--each class has 20 students), and a new class, Writing in the Humanities (this one has 13 people so far). In addition, I'll be teaching an intro knitting class for Continuing Ed for six weeks; that just provides me an excuse to knit and talk about knitting for two hours! It's built-in relaxation for me, a good reason to begin new projects, buy more yarn, and escape from academe for a while. I forsee, however, long days. The good news? I have a semester of three-day weekends again!

I mowed the grass this morning. It's so dry that I may not have to do this again for a couple of weeks, unless we get some rain (I'm not holding my breath!). I complained (sort of) about all the rain at the beginning of the summer, but everything is dry and dusty now. My garden has suffered greatly--first from an excess of moisture, then from its absence. But isn't that nature's way? Always the extreme!

Even the cats feel the heat; they spend most of their time inside (I keep having to clean the litter boxes--they've got an entire acre for a litter box, but they still come inside to do their business!). I would think they'd be out chasing the neighbor's chickens, but even that's not enough to tempt them right now. I can't blame them. I don't even like to go out to get the mail until the sun goes down.